Oh God. Oh fuck.

I said I didn't care that much about this election-- then the returns started coming in. And here I sit, with 5 tabs open in Firefox (CNN's BlogParty, Cnn.com, Wonkette, The Huffington Post and Blogger) hitting refresh until my fingers bleed.

I guess I lied. My spirit's not broken. Now I remembered why I wanted to report on politics--the orgasmic rush of he-said, she-said, the high of election night. I thought I was off the stuff, but turns out I'm a political junkie for life.

Sidebar: Excellent work CNN. So many infographics, continuing to run the returns through commercial breaks, having an options where I can customize the races I want to watch on your homepage. ALSO- as of 8:58 things look good!

1:17 AM update- No more Santorum. Democratic house (and at least a much closer Senate). Female speaker of the house. Hopefully, chaos on Capitol Hill and Democrats taking on the state of things in manner that shows they have something resembling fortitude.

I seem to have discovered something

Oh hey. A blog. The place where I verbally masturbate onto a computer screen and you come and read it, then tell me what a clever girl I am. Because what I read, think and like is so goddamn important.

So, today is election day. I've already voted absentee, so I get to ignore all this hullabaloo with a send of self-righteous amusement. As I've been saying for the past few weeks, I used to be so political- there was a time when I would be hanging on every state and race in this election with bated breath. The way things turned out, however, was that my spirit was crumpled by the clusterfuck that was the 2000 election, and then when its disasterous (fake) results failed to right themselves in the 2004 election, I pretty much lost my faith in the public at large to ever make an informed, rational decision about who is qualified to lead this country and who is not. Do I want the Democrats to take the House? Absofuckinglutely, but if they don't, I will probably just throw up my hands and say "typical."

I suppose this is what comes with "growing up"- the realization that politics, in general are a crock. I used to campaign and feel really good about trying to make a difference, when the fact of the matter is that all campaigning is is trying to up one candidate or party's exposure. Elections aren't about ideals or issues, they're about whose team picked a better tie, who sweat less under the studio lights, whose smile looks better plastered across a four-foot-tall billboard. Now, I view politics as something individual and more global. I care about issues/things, not parties/people. If the Republicans were to come up with a comprehensive plan tomorrow for alternative energy and then immediately began putting it into motion, I would be behind it 100%.

I have my beliefs and personal concerns about our government-but I don't feel like anyone represents them fully except me. Thus the reason this election is only of moderate interest to me, rather than the earth-shattering event it was four years ago. I wonder if everyone in this generation feels like this-were two elections where we were told our votes mattered most, but ended meaning nothing at all, enough to break our collective backs with the weight of political futility?

I'd like to hope not. I'd like to hope that there are people out there with more zeal and optomism than me, less selfish, more dedicated. I'd like someone to rally behind, but I'm just not interested enough to be that person.