27.1.08

oh hell, while i'm at it

toothpaste for dinner
Drew, you silly man. And while I'm not going to turn up my nose at my share of the "economic stimulus package" I am firm in my belief that anyone who thinks an extra couple hundo is going to solve what's wrong with our economy is incredibly foolish.

Less tanks, more educated people with access. Silly ideas, what with the feeling that people have the right to education and health care just on the merits of being people. And that these commodities for everyone would benefit the entire country. How do you propose we pay for all the this? Simple. I find it difficult to stomach that we live in a world where Pepsi, Anheiser Busch, etc. can pay $2.7 mill for a SuperBowl ad but people can't afford prescription medication, or where kids drop out at 15 to work a minimum wage job.

Not to mention that the government shelled out for an anti-drug add this year — just a thought, but maybe they should have been putting that money to better, more concrete use?

Fighting wars on abstract nouns is the American curse. There's something to be said there about semantics and modernity, but I fail to articulate.

one for the kids



Whilst frantically searching for Schoolhouse Rock videos on YouTube last night, the roommate and I came across this. Whoever had the time and energy to make a liberal, political Schoolhouse Rock video is my hero.

25.1.08

too weird to die.


Dennis baby, you were too much man for this ice bitch of a country to handle. Your particular brand of politico whack-a-doo, what with the seeing UFOs and being a vegan, and a pacifist and having an mind-bogglingly hot wife just didn't sit right with us.
Again.
I mean, who wants to vote for someone who want to institute radical change, and impeach the President who's gotten us into such a goddamn mess in the first place?

"But I believe it's a lot easier to change the Constitution than it would be to change the word of the living god. And that's what we need to do -- to amend the Constitution so it's in God's standards rather than try to change God's standards so it lines up with some contemporary view." -MH

BUT people are still casting votes for Mike Huckabee's crazy ass. There was a point I wanted to make here about this country's ability to stomach one specific kind of crazy and not another, but I am honestly just too tired.

23.1.08

who needs affection when i have blind hatred?

Heath Ledger. My 13-year-old soul weeps for you. Nothing beats you in 10 Things I Hate About You which may have marked the exact moment I learned to love tall, slightly physically awkward boys who made inappropriate choices about their hair and were full of sass. And who chain smoked. And who maybe were secret assholes, but maybe really sweet. That turned out really well.

I recall a Teen People photo spread where your golden Aussie curls were all softly lit and your lips were pouty and I totally wanted to bang you, even though I barely knew what banging was.

Not to mention you're probably awesome ask The Joker and a really good actor, and you seemed so over all the Hollywood bullshit, and you have the cutest daughter.

Brit's still kicking around Malibu though. And now this.

norrinator (Autoreply): i wonder if could get an extension on my paper because i am mourning heath ledger's death.
MoNkee(Autoreply): Heaaaaaaaaaaaaaathhhh
norrinator: HOW CAN I MOVE ON WHEN YOU WON'T LET ME
norrinator: WHY CAN'T I QUIT YOU
MoNkEe: BECAUSE.
MoNkEe: I MUST REMIND YOU OF YOUR PAIN. YOU CANNOT FORGET HIM. YOU CANNOT.
norrinator: hahahahaha.
norrinator: clearly quoting brokeback mountatin is called for at this juncture
norrinator: i wonder how jake g. feels
MoNkEe: well, if what the news is telling me is indeed correct, then since jake g. is a gay cowboy, he is currently mourning the loss of his lovah.
norrinator: basically
MoNkEe: probably on top of a mountain or something
norrinator: with a horse
norrinator: and a tent.
MoNkEe: SEX.
MoNkEe: BUTT SEX.
norrinator: so INAPPROPRIATE
norrinator: YOU ARE NOT HONORING HIS MEMORY
MoNkEe: YES I AM.
MoNkEe: THE BUTT SEX SCENE WAS THE FIRST OF ITS KIND THAT I'VE EVER SEEN.
MoNkEe: MAGICAL.
norrinator: first...and BEST

(screen name edited to protect my roommate)

to catch a goddamn predator

Hey. Jan 30 is "International Delete Your MySpace Day"

Okay, after a bout with hating the internet a few years ago, I haven't really had a MySpace. I have an account, but I only have a picture up, and some basic info. And I have no friends (not for lack of requests). It was mostly just so I could log in to view people's MySpace photos. But I don't really even do that any more.

So I guess you can just take everything I wrote about my MySpace up there and put it in the past tense. Because it's gone, suckas. The best part about this is they ask you for the reason you're deleting...I simply wrote "fuck you tom." Short sweet and to the point. However, in case you decide to join me, here's a pretty decent list of reasons you could enter into field.

  1. I'm tired of blink-y, shiny, glittery, hot pink, animated, thousand picture profiles blaring Natasha Bedingfield crashing my browser.
  2. I'm tired of gothy, black, morbid, animated, thousand band picture profiles blaring death metal crashing my profile.
  3. You have no standardized layout, which allows any monkey to customize however they want — and I am aesthetically offended by the clashing fonts/colors/general inanity.
  4. I will no longer enable sexual predators.
  5. You have enough money.
  6. I'm sick of your awful banner ads and site glitches.
  7. Deleting spam requests from creepy old men and crappy bands is taking up a huge chunk of my day which I could be using for the betterment of humanity.
  8. Pedophiles. Kidnappers. General creeper-y.
  9. I mean, have you been on MySpace lately?
Delete your MySpace. Because Facebook is better anyway, and you don't need any more marriage proposals from Amir in Qatar.

21.1.08

a word about gender and politics

Allow me to preface what is about to come by saying that I have no idea who I will vote for in the 2008 election. At this point, I might cast my vote as a write-in for Dennis Kucinich, because Holy Hay-seuss, am I tired of election coverage.

That being said, if we are allegedly a nation that more respects, reveres and "equally" treats its women, why can we not have one run for president without calling out her every display of emotion as evidence that she is unfit to lead?

Hillary is viewed a soulless, ball-busting man eater. Her campaign starts to go south, and she tears up on camera (probably a publicity move, but not any more than stumping, or going to church regularly, or the Republicans putting all ten minorities at their convention directly in line with cameras...but I digress.) and SUDDENLY she to too weak-willed and womanly to be a serious contender for the office of commander in chief.

An article from Slate shows the other part of Hil's gender that negatively influences her image, and her campaign — the fact that she has a powerful, famous, widely-recognized Democrat for a husband. I love Bill, will all of my heart, but this article has a point. If he keeps standing up for Hillary, people are going to think she can't stand up for herself.

Which brings me back around — America doesn't put its women in hijab, like them dayum Ay-rab terrorists who are supposedly our enemy, but we've also never had a woman leader, or even a female second in command. For all of our country's high-flying talk about respect and equality and democracy, there's still a huge portion of people (men and women) who would not vote for a woman president (ANY woman president) because Lord knows that when she gets her period, she's going to nuke the first thing she sees.

And that's not even saying anything about the disproportionate amount of coverage devoted to how Hilary looks, what Hilary wears, and whether or not she is in general "too manly."

Ireland, New Zealand, India, Mozambique, Germany, Finland, The Philippines, Switzerland, Chile and Liberia — ten countries— currently have elected or appointed female leaders. Another five have female monarchs.

Roughly half of Europe has had women in power at one point, and a large portion of the countries we consider Uhmarika superior to in Asia, South America and Africa have had them too. But in this country, we think powerful women are unnatural, against the order and out of their place — unless they're doing something for "women's issues" like healthcare, the (laughable) war on drugs, or education.

All men are created equal. And you bitches had better not forget it.

14.1.08

why won't they just go away

Deliciously nubile and recently Wentzed Ashlee Simpson is apparently making music that's younger than her new face again. And (quelle suprise) it's awful. See for yourself:
video

Mostly, she's just trying to do this:
video
By way of this:
video

I made a Vox post about this last year, after the release of Gwen Stefani's last disaster of an album, but I feel that it bears repeating. Gwen, you've really got to take the brunt of the blame for this one, since Love.Angel.Music.Baby was such a hit monster.

BUT that does not mean I needed to hear it four or five more times, in a series of grimey, watered-down, pseudo M.I.A. permutations. I did not need Fergie's album, or your second, or apparently this new monstrosity by Ashlee (nothing more annoying than the way she spells her name, by the way) "I didn't get a nose job" Simpson. [Enough asides for ya?]

That being said, PLEASE watch that Ashlee Simpson video. No amount of eye makeup, straight jackets or creative costuming make her able to replicate the sort of robotic, herky-jerky movements that Gwen pulls off in "What You Waiting For?" That is because, at some level, Gwen Stefani is an artist and performer. I can even semi-tolerate Fergie's ghetto-fab, skanky take on the whole thing, because at least she commits.

Fucking Ashlee Simpson is just going through the motions. She, and the majority of all "pop starlets" need to be stopped.

Quelle suprise.