make art! make art!

mazeltov glen and marketa.And good move John Stewart for letting poor little Marketa back on stage to give a speech. She's nineteen and she barely speaks English. "Fair play to those who dare to dream."

Everything about this was amazing and inspiring.

These are Dark, Evil Times

I woke up this morning with whiskey on my tongue, tired, confused, angry, restless. The way you always were. In the middle of the eternal shortest month, in the midst of my own body's mental and physical breakdown, you decided you'd had enough. Your brains were all over the typewriter, counselor. The snow was thick on the ground, and for you, the winter would never end. I got the call, I heard a recorded voice tell me you were gone. Three years later, I no longer speak to that person's recorded voice and you are still not with us.

No one could tell me if it was true or not. Some people said they didn't believe for days, thought you were pulling another fast one. Another decompression chamber. I knew from the first second that you'd finally given up the ghost. It was the only way. Your best prank. Six months later, you were shot into the sky, like the beautiful, weird, twisted mutant you were.

We need you now more than ever, but chances are a time will never come when that won't be true. I lust after the words you will never write, about Mike Huckabee's speed freak for Jesus bug-eyed, bass-playing antics, about the sheer ridiculousness of the slow crumble of the Bush administration. If we'd had a different president, would things have seemed less bleak, Raoul? If the Patriots we're the opposite of competition, pure sport and surprise, would you have felt more satisfied?

Football Season is Over, but who do I turn to now, for inspiration, for courage, for irreverence, for everything?

You, Doctor. Too weird to live, too rare to die.

Mahalo.

i need a lawyer

Listen, if I had my way, I would just go through this day pretending it's like every other Thursday where I go to work, waste some time, go to yoga, talk about postmodernism, then go get drunk.

Unfortunately, even the cartoons on Nickelodeon this morning won't let that happen. And I am in a particularly black and foul mood today, so you can all take your candy hearts, and shove them.

Or maybe this is all pure gibberish — a product of the demented imagination of a lazy drunken hillbilly with a heart full of hate who has found a way to live out where the real winds blow — to sleep late, have fun, get wild, drink whisky, and drive fast on empty streets with nothing in mind except falling in love and not getting arrested...
Res ipsa loquitur. Let the good times roll.

goodnight, sweet prince

Oh, baby. The results of Heath Ledger's autopsy show that he died from an "accidental drug overdose," if you consider swallowing Viocdin, Oxy, Xanax, Valium and two different kinds of sleeping pills an accident.

At least we know you weren't trying to off yourself, but something was hurting you awful bad.

Now, off to drink myself silly and watch you woo Julia Stiles with Frankie Valli songs.

correlation is not causation

Last night, Alabama and most of the rest of the American South picked Mike Huckabee as their candidate of choice in the 2008 presidential election.

Today, a mass of tornadoes devastated the same area.

A scientist would say that correlation is not causation...but evangelicals don't believe that science proves anything. So I guess the only other available option is that they're being punished for designating a wild-eyed, bible-humping fear monger out of his head on Speed and Scripture as a rational human being, let alone a person capable of running this country.

YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWW

photo NY Times

Remind me why we beat Howard Dean off the political scene with a baseball bat studded with railroad spikes for his post-Iowa crazy again?

Super Tuesday is one of the darkest days of the year for the myth of unbiased jounalism.

Get it girl.

Super Tuesday MLK redux

Consider this my official disenrollment from "the chorus of cynics."

I want to be inspired. Strike all my defense of Hillary as the better politician. Just because the system exists, doesn't mean I have to support the person who plays it best.

Fuck the system.

Yes we can.

Football Season Is Over

Just in case you were wondering, this year on February 20, the anniversary of the Good Doctor's death, (mahalo, sir) there will be a total lunar eclipse. Celebrate with whatever combination of chemicals, debauchery and pagan reverence you see fit.

And thus, the football gods did smile...

...and they did decree The Underdog the most blessed of all their creations.

Seeing the Pats lose the only one that counted was one of the most satisfying non-Pittsburgh related sports moments of my life. Also, this lends more support to my theory that it is impossible to win a Super Bowl without some sort of adversity in your path. Swagger doesn't win championships;beating a pretty-boy quarterback into the ground for 60 minutes does. First-round playoff byes and running up the score all season do not instill a team with the kind of grit it takes to clutch the Lombardi in a fit of orgiastic glee.

And now, to continue dealing with this unholy mess that has taken up residence in my sinuses. These are evil, evil times. Mahalo.

oh hell, while i'm at it

Drew, you silly man. And while I'm not going to turn up my nose at my share of the "economic stimulus package" I am firm in my belief that anyone who thinks an extra couple hundo is going to solve what's wrong with our economy is incredibly foolish.

Less tanks, more educated people with access. Silly ideas, what with the feeling that people have the right to education and health care just on the merits of being people. And that these commodities for everyone would benefit the entire country. How do you propose we pay for all the this? Simple. I find it difficult to stomach that we live in a world where Pepsi, Anheiser Busch, etc. can pay $2.7 mill for a SuperBowl ad but people can't afford prescription medication, or where kids drop out at 15 to work a minimum wage job.

Not to mention that the government shelled out for an anti-drug add this year — just a thought, but maybe they should have been putting that money to better, more concrete use?

Fighting wars on abstract nouns is the American curse. There's something to be said there about semantics and modernity, but I fail to articulate.

one for the kids

Whilst frantically searching for Schoolhouse Rock videos on YouTube last night, the roommate and I came across this. Whoever had the time and energy to make a liberal, political Schoolhouse Rock video is my hero.

too weird to die.

Dennis baby, you were too much man for this ice bitch of a country to handle. Your particular brand of politico whack-a-doo, what with the seeing UFOs and being a vegan, and a pacifist and having an mind-bogglingly hot wife just didn't sit right with us.
Again.
I mean, who wants to vote for someone who want to institute radical change, and impeach the President who's gotten us into such a goddamn mess in the first place?

"But I believe it's a lot easier to change the Constitution than it would be to change the word of the living god. And that's what we need to do -- to amend the Constitution so it's in God's standards rather than try to change God's standards so it lines up with some contemporary view." -MH

BUT people are still casting votes for Mike Huckabee's crazy ass. There was a point I wanted to make here about this country's ability to stomach one specific kind of crazy and not another, but I am honestly just too tired.

who needs affection when i have blind hatred?

Heath Ledger. My 13-year-old soul weeps for you. Nothing beats you in 10 Things I Hate About You which may have marked the exact moment I learned to love tall, slightly physically awkward boys who made inappropriate choices about their hair and were full of sass. And who chain smoked. And who maybe were secret assholes, but maybe really sweet. That turned out really well.

I recall a Teen People photo spread where your golden Aussie curls were all softly lit and your lips were pouty and I totally wanted to bang you, even though I barely knew what banging was.

Not to mention you're probably awesome ask The Joker and a really good actor, and you seemed so over all the Hollywood bullshit, and you have the cutest daughter.

Brit's still kicking around Malibu though. And now this.

norrinator (Autoreply): i wonder if could get an extension on my paper because i am mourning heath ledger's death.
MoNkee(Autoreply): Heaaaaaaaaaaaaaathhhh
norrinator: HOW CAN I MOVE ON WHEN YOU WON'T LET ME
norrinator: WHY CAN'T I QUIT YOU
MoNkEe: BECAUSE.
MoNkEe: I MUST REMIND YOU OF YOUR PAIN. YOU CANNOT FORGET HIM. YOU CANNOT.
norrinator: hahahahaha.
norrinator: clearly quoting brokeback mountatin is called for at this juncture
norrinator: i wonder how jake g. feels
MoNkEe: well, if what the news is telling me is indeed correct, then since jake g. is a gay cowboy, he is currently mourning the loss of his lovah.
norrinator: basically
MoNkEe: probably on top of a mountain or something
norrinator: with a horse
norrinator: and a tent.
MoNkEe: SEX.
MoNkEe: BUTT SEX.
norrinator: so INAPPROPRIATE
norrinator: YOU ARE NOT HONORING HIS MEMORY
MoNkEe: YES I AM.
MoNkEe: THE BUTT SEX SCENE WAS THE FIRST OF ITS KIND THAT I'VE EVER SEEN.
MoNkEe: MAGICAL.
norrinator: first...and BEST

(screen name edited to protect my roommate)

to catch a goddamn predator

Hey. Jan 30 is "International Delete Your MySpace Day"

Okay, after a bout with hating the internet a few years ago, I haven't really had a MySpace. I have an account, but I only have a picture up, and some basic info. And I have no friends (not for lack of requests). It was mostly just so I could log in to view people's MySpace photos. But I don't really even do that any more.

So I guess you can just take everything I wrote about my MySpace up there and put it in the past tense. Because it's gone, suckas. The best part about this is they ask you for the reason you're deleting...I simply wrote "fuck you tom." Short sweet and to the point. However, in case you decide to join me, here's a pretty decent list of reasons you could enter into field.

1. I'm tired of blink-y, shiny, glittery, hot pink, animated, thousand picture profiles blaring Natasha Bedingfield crashing my browser.
2. I'm tired of gothy, black, morbid, animated, thousand band picture profiles blaring death metal crashing my profile.
3. You have no standardized layout, which allows any monkey to customize however they want — and I am aesthetically offended by the clashing fonts/colors/general inanity.
4. I will no longer enable sexual predators.
5. You have enough money.
6. I'm sick of your awful banner ads and site glitches.
7. Deleting spam requests from creepy old men and crappy bands is taking up a huge chunk of my day which I could be using for the betterment of humanity.
8. Pedophiles. Kidnappers. General creeper-y.
   
9. I mean, have you been on MySpace lately?

Delete your MySpace. Because Facebook is better anyway, and you don't need any more marriage proposals from Amir in Qatar.

a word about gender and politics

Allow me to preface what is about to come by saying that I have no idea who I will vote for in the 2008 election. At this point, I might cast my vote as a write-in for Dennis Kucinich, because Holy Hay-seuss, am I tired of election coverage.

That being said, if we are allegedly a nation that more respects, reveres and "equally" treats its women, why can we not have one run for president without calling out her every display of emotion as evidence that she is unfit to lead?

Hillary is viewed a soulless, ball-busting man eater. Her campaign starts to go south, and she tears up on camera (probably a publicity move, but not any more than stumping, or going to church regularly, or the Republicans putting all ten minorities at their convention directly in line with cameras...but I digress.) and SUDDENLY she to too weak-willed and womanly to be a serious contender for the office of commander in chief.

An article from Slate shows the other part of Hil's gender that negatively influences her image, and her campaign — the fact that she has a powerful, famous, widely-recognized Democrat for a husband. I love Bill, will all of my heart, but this article has a point. If he keeps standing up for Hillary, people are going to think she can't stand up for herself.

Which brings me back around — America doesn't put its women in hijab, like them dayum Ay-rab terrorists who are supposedly our enemy, but we've also never had a woman leader, or even a female second in command. For all of our country's high-flying talk about respect and equality and democracy, there's still a huge portion of people (men and women) who would not vote for a woman president (ANY woman president) because Lord knows that when she gets her period, she's going to nuke the first thing she sees.

And that's not even saying anything about the disproportionate amount of coverage devoted to how Hilary looks, what Hilary wears, and whether or not she is in general "too manly."

Ireland, New Zealand, India, Mozambique, Germany, Finland, The Philippines, Switzerland, Chile and Liberia — ten countries— currently have elected or appointed female leaders. Another five have female monarchs.

Roughly half of Europe has had women in power at one point, and a large portion of the countries we consider Uhmarika superior to in Asia, South America and Africa have had them too. But in this country, we think powerful women are unnatural, against the order and out of their place — unless they're doing something for "women's issues" like healthcare, the (laughable) war on drugs, or education.

All men are created equal. And you bitches had better not forget it.

why won't they just go away

Deliciously nubile and recently Wentzed Ashlee Simpson is apparently making music that's younger than her new face again. And (quelle suprise) it's awful. See for yourself:


Mostly, she's just trying to do this:

By way of this:


I made a Vox post about this last year, after the release of Gwen Stefani's last disaster of an album, but I feel that it bears repeating. Gwen, you've really got to take the brunt of the blame for this one, since Love.Angel.Music.Baby was such a hit monster.

BUT that does not mean I needed to hear it four or five more times, in a series of grimey, watered-down, pseudo M.I.A. permutations. I did not need Fergie's album, or your second, or apparently this new monstrosity by Ashlee (nothing more annoying than the way she spells her name, by the way) "I didn't get a nose job" Simpson. [Enough asides for ya?]

That being said, PLEASE watch that Ashlee Simpson video. No amount of eye makeup, straight jackets or creative costuming make her able to replicate the sort of robotic, herky-jerky movements that Gwen pulls off in "What You Waiting For?" That is because, at some level, Gwen Stefani is an artist and performer. I can even semi-tolerate Fergie's ghetto-fab, skanky take on the whole thing, because at least she commits.

Fucking Ashlee Simpson is just going through the motions. She, and the majority of all "pop starlets" need to be stopped.

Quelle suprise.

damn it feels good to be a gangster

Or, look what I found on the Internets today!

Someone with lots of time, and a fondness for graphs does interpretations of rap jamz. Theses are a few of my favorites, more here, for your enjoyment.

In additon, the NY Center for Independent publishing holds its 20th anniversary book fair this weekend. Check out the sweet shit here, and join me in wishing you lived in the Big Apple.

print the news and raise hell

Today, http://www.journalism.org/ , released this study about coverage of the war in Iraq. The survey was conducted by the Project for Excellence in Journalism, and the results are bizarre and extremely troublesome to an idealistic journalist still in college.

To note:

Even the basics of getting the story are remarkably difficult. Outside of the heavily-fortified Green Zone, most U.S. journalists must rely on local staff to do the necessary face-to-face reporting. Yet nearly nine out of ten journalists say their local staff cannot carry any equipment—not even a notebook—that might identify them as working for the western media for fear of being killed. Some local staffers do not even tell their own families.

If American journalists are not doing the reporting, but relying on a third party to bring them information, how can media audiences in the United States think they are getting anything close to what is actually going on in Iraq?

Nine out of ten of the journalists surveyed said that at least half of Baghdad is too dangerous to visit. Too dangerous to visit! The news I read every day about this war-- where does it come from? Iraqi journalists undercover for the Western media? The truth about what is going on in that country is not being reported, long story short, and it's more than just adverse conditions. The embedding program sucks, and the fact that Western journalists can't go anywhere without body armor, guards and armored trucks should say more about the validity of this war than their reporting could.

Above all, the journalists—most of them veteran war correspondents—describe conditions in Iraq as the most perilous they have ever encountered, and this above everything else is influencing the reporting. A majority of journalists surveyed (57%) report that at least one of their Iraqi staff had been killed or kidnapped in the last year alone—and many more are continually threatened. “Seven staffers killed since 2003, including three last July,” one bureau chief wrote with chilling brevity. “At least three have been kidnapped. All were freed.”

Eight out of ten journalists felt that conditions for storytelling in Iraq have gotten worse, not better, much like the situation in the country.

And yet, we go on, placating ourselves with platitudes.

Whatever the problems, a magazine reporter offered, “The press….have carried out the classic journalistic mission of bearing witness.”

Lady (this sounds like a female sentence, so whatever), you are nuts. We are not here to bear witness. We are here to print the news and raise hell. Ask tough questions, tell tough stories and inform the public.

Which media outlet has run a story about the dangers faced by its reporters, the terribly unstable and unsafe conditions, even in Baghdad? What media outlets have called for our withdrawal from this insanity? Who is pushing the politicians to be accountable for civilian deaths and government secrecy?

Tell the story of how bad it is there. Let us know it's getting worse, not better. You are there. We are not. Be a journalist, not an objective, impassive channel for facts.

Facts are not news, and accuracy doesn't necessarily equate truth. These are the realities of journalism in the 21st century, and if somebody doesn't get up and realize that our passion is our greatest tool and our greatest weapon, we're all going to be replaced by robots who can make phone calls.

"I'll ask my question, thank you very much"

Hokay, so, there's this.

This morning, all CNN played was the portion of this clip where the UF student was being tazed. After watching the full thing, this guy wasn't doing anything wrong. Not. a. single. thing. The UP police attempted to arrest this man, for speaking. For speech that was inflammatory, for speech that was controversial, but not for anything that isn't covered under that little thing we like to call the First Amendment. He wasn't inciting riot, or panic, not was he speaking in a manner than could be considered "fighting words." Was anyone in that audience getting up to riot, or fight? He was taken off the mike because the university police, trumped up, as they always are, with a sense of their own power, felt he was behaving in a manner that was inappropriate.
Then, as he was being taken out and arrested (love to see what those charges are going to be. Resisting arrest? The question is what was he being arrested for in the first place? Also, I'm pretty sure I didn't catch any Miranda rights on that video.) and was subdued by at least three, and what appeared to be more like five police officers, he was tazed, for trying to stand up. I'm going to say that again. For trying to stand up, and be arrested, like a dignified and decent human being. As he pled, and begged these men not to taze him, they did it anyway. And did anyone catch the hapless look of bemusement on big whitey's face before he realized he was on camera and told the camera operator to get back? (it's at about 3:17, for those of you playing along at home)
Which leaves me wondering-what in the hell has it come to when freedom of speech is so restricted, even on college campuses, the traditional home base of radical thought? Lest you think I have no respect for law enforcement, I absolutely do. What I don't have respect for is 1) unwarranted and baseless arrests 2) the fact that campus police feel that college students are less than animals and should be treated as such. I've seen it with my own eyes. The teargassing of hundreds of students, guilty of nothing more than being on the streets en masse. The nightsticking of those who've fallen from the gas. Cops, amped up on adrenaline and testosterone, firing tear gas wantonly into groups of less than ten people.
Why, on large college campuses, do college students suddenly lose their rights when they don't toe the line exactly? Last time I checked, we are the reason you have a job, and the reason the university exists. That's not to say that we are above the law, but we should be allowed basic constitutional freedoms, such as speech and assembly.
The fascist-izing of America is disgusting. And I'm as guilty as anyone of sitting by and letting it happen. If college students were serious about regaining their place as the innovators and conscience of this country, we would all protest this audacious abuse of power. We would stand up and say "We hate this war, we hate this president, and we hate the way you rich, old white fucks are running this country."

You know. Kind of the way this kid tried to.

(P.S. I love, love, love how John Kerry droned on through the poor soul getting tazered. Nice compassion, asshole.)

it's britney, bitch

Ah, the VMAs.

The end-of-summer, end all, be all of irrelevant awards shows. Last night's awards were, in a word, epic. Britney was back, old rock stars got punched, and everyone was drunk and in Vegas.

Which, was the best part about the show, to be honest. For a generation with an increasingly shorter attention span, MTV did the smart thing and axed an hour from the show, incorporated snippets of performances from everyone from T.I. to the Foo Fighters (featuring Cee-lo) and Fall Out Boy (featuring Rihanna) in between presenter nonsense, shameless self promotion— and maybe an award or two, and claimed they were only going to broadcast the show once [although it re-aired immediately after it ended.] MTV promoted its "remixed" version of the show, as well as web videos of the suite concerts all night— proving that the broadcast media is in as much danger of being replaced by the Internets as the print media.

The best part about the revamp of the VMAs was that the viewer felt like they were just hanging with the rockstars giving concerts for their own pleasure in Vegas suites. Kanye had a huge grin on his face while he dueted with Common in an incredibly up close and personal performance. The Foo Fighters called in everyone— the aforementioned Cee-lo, System of Down's Serj Tankian, Mastadon, and Queen of the Stone Age's Josh Homme for the most rock 'n roll of all the "intimate" performances. JT got drunk, accepted awards and yelled at MTV to play more videos—admirable.

Basically, the Vegas VMAs made us (bored twenty-something college students) feel like we were at a house party (something we can relate to) with the coolest kids in school (something we all want) Their decision to go host-free and employ a house "band," led by DJ/buzzkid/wunderkind Mark Ronson, was definitely an upgrade, as Ronson's arrangements of Top 40 hits like "Smack That" and "Wake Up Call" were 100% better than the real thing.

Who cares who won anything? At an awards show where Fall Out Boy wins "Best Group" three years in a row, does the Moon Man even attempt to claim a slice of creditability any more? I got to see Justin Timberlake shake his ass, Jaimie Foxx be a drunkass fool and Alicia Keys bring down the ceiling with a gospel choir. What else is there to ask for?

MTV: Pandering to short attention spans, youth culture and technology trends since 1985.