i need a lawyer

Listen, if I had my way, I would just go through this day pretending it's like every other Thursday where I go to work, waste some time, go to yoga, talk about postmodernism, then go get drunk.

Unfortunately, even the cartoons on Nickelodeon this morning won't let that happen. And I am in a particularly black and foul mood today, so you can all take your candy hearts, and shove them.

Or maybe this is all pure gibberish — a product of the demented imagination of a lazy drunken hillbilly with a heart full of hate who has found a way to live out where the real winds blow — to sleep late, have fun, get wild, drink whisky, and drive fast on empty streets with nothing in mind except falling in love and not getting arrested...
Res ipsa loquitur. Let the good times roll.

oh hell, while i'm at it

Drew, you silly man. And while I'm not going to turn up my nose at my share of the "economic stimulus package" I am firm in my belief that anyone who thinks an extra couple hundo is going to solve what's wrong with our economy is incredibly foolish.

Less tanks, more educated people with access. Silly ideas, what with the feeling that people have the right to education and health care just on the merits of being people. And that these commodities for everyone would benefit the entire country. How do you propose we pay for all the this? Simple. I find it difficult to stomach that we live in a world where Pepsi, Anheiser Busch, etc. can pay $2.7 mill for a SuperBowl ad but people can't afford prescription medication, or where kids drop out at 15 to work a minimum wage job.

Not to mention that the government shelled out for an anti-drug add this year — just a thought, but maybe they should have been putting that money to better, more concrete use?

Fighting wars on abstract nouns is the American curse. There's something to be said there about semantics and modernity, but I fail to articulate.

why won't they just go away

Deliciously nubile and recently Wentzed Ashlee Simpson is apparently making music that's younger than her new face again. And (quelle suprise) it's awful. See for yourself:


Mostly, she's just trying to do this:

By way of this:


I made a Vox post about this last year, after the release of Gwen Stefani's last disaster of an album, but I feel that it bears repeating. Gwen, you've really got to take the brunt of the blame for this one, since Love.Angel.Music.Baby was such a hit monster.

BUT that does not mean I needed to hear it four or five more times, in a series of grimey, watered-down, pseudo M.I.A. permutations. I did not need Fergie's album, or your second, or apparently this new monstrosity by Ashlee (nothing more annoying than the way she spells her name, by the way) "I didn't get a nose job" Simpson. [Enough asides for ya?]

That being said, PLEASE watch that Ashlee Simpson video. No amount of eye makeup, straight jackets or creative costuming make her able to replicate the sort of robotic, herky-jerky movements that Gwen pulls off in "What You Waiting For?" That is because, at some level, Gwen Stefani is an artist and performer. I can even semi-tolerate Fergie's ghetto-fab, skanky take on the whole thing, because at least she commits.

Fucking Ashlee Simpson is just going through the motions. She, and the majority of all "pop starlets" need to be stopped.

Quelle suprise.