for those playing along at home

Now you too, can be a pundit, with Slate's delegate counter! You may not have a fancy touch-screen to monkey around with primary results, but you can figure out exactly how much trickery and subterfuge HRC would need to win the nomination.


(PS. If only real newspapers and magazines could do this)

to catch a goddamn predator

Hey. Jan 30 is "International Delete Your MySpace Day"

Okay, after a bout with hating the internet a few years ago, I haven't really had a MySpace. I have an account, but I only have a picture up, and some basic info. And I have no friends (not for lack of requests). It was mostly just so I could log in to view people's MySpace photos. But I don't really even do that any more.

So I guess you can just take everything I wrote about my MySpace up there and put it in the past tense. Because it's gone, suckas. The best part about this is they ask you for the reason you're deleting...I simply wrote "fuck you tom." Short sweet and to the point. However, in case you decide to join me, here's a pretty decent list of reasons you could enter into field.

1. I'm tired of blink-y, shiny, glittery, hot pink, animated, thousand picture profiles blaring Natasha Bedingfield crashing my browser.
2. I'm tired of gothy, black, morbid, animated, thousand band picture profiles blaring death metal crashing my profile.
3. You have no standardized layout, which allows any monkey to customize however they want — and I am aesthetically offended by the clashing fonts/colors/general inanity.
4. I will no longer enable sexual predators.
5. You have enough money.
6. I'm sick of your awful banner ads and site glitches.
7. Deleting spam requests from creepy old men and crappy bands is taking up a huge chunk of my day which I could be using for the betterment of humanity.
8. Pedophiles. Kidnappers. General creeper-y.
   
9. I mean, have you been on MySpace lately?

Delete your MySpace. Because Facebook is better anyway, and you don't need any more marriage proposals from Amir in Qatar.

it's britney, bitch

Ah, the VMAs.

The end-of-summer, end all, be all of irrelevant awards shows. Last night's awards were, in a word, epic. Britney was back, old rock stars got punched, and everyone was drunk and in Vegas.

Which, was the best part about the show, to be honest. For a generation with an increasingly shorter attention span, MTV did the smart thing and axed an hour from the show, incorporated snippets of performances from everyone from T.I. to the Foo Fighters (featuring Cee-lo) and Fall Out Boy (featuring Rihanna) in between presenter nonsense, shameless self promotion— and maybe an award or two, and claimed they were only going to broadcast the show once [although it re-aired immediately after it ended.] MTV promoted its "remixed" version of the show, as well as web videos of the suite concerts all night— proving that the broadcast media is in as much danger of being replaced by the Internets as the print media.

The best part about the revamp of the VMAs was that the viewer felt like they were just hanging with the rockstars giving concerts for their own pleasure in Vegas suites. Kanye had a huge grin on his face while he dueted with Common in an incredibly up close and personal performance. The Foo Fighters called in everyone— the aforementioned Cee-lo, System of Down's Serj Tankian, Mastadon, and Queen of the Stone Age's Josh Homme for the most rock 'n roll of all the "intimate" performances. JT got drunk, accepted awards and yelled at MTV to play more videos—admirable.

Basically, the Vegas VMAs made us (bored twenty-something college students) feel like we were at a house party (something we can relate to) with the coolest kids in school (something we all want) Their decision to go host-free and employ a house "band," led by DJ/buzzkid/wunderkind Mark Ronson, was definitely an upgrade, as Ronson's arrangements of Top 40 hits like "Smack That" and "Wake Up Call" were 100% better than the real thing.

Who cares who won anything? At an awards show where Fall Out Boy wins "Best Group" three years in a row, does the Moon Man even attempt to claim a slice of creditability any more? I got to see Justin Timberlake shake his ass, Jaimie Foxx be a drunkass fool and Alicia Keys bring down the ceiling with a gospel choir. What else is there to ask for?

MTV: Pandering to short attention spans, youth culture and technology trends since 1985.