why won't they just go away

Deliciously nubile and recently Wentzed Ashlee Simpson is apparently making music that's younger than her new face again. And (quelle suprise) it's awful. See for yourself:


Mostly, she's just trying to do this:

By way of this:


I made a Vox post about this last year, after the release of Gwen Stefani's last disaster of an album, but I feel that it bears repeating. Gwen, you've really got to take the brunt of the blame for this one, since Love.Angel.Music.Baby was such a hit monster.

BUT that does not mean I needed to hear it four or five more times, in a series of grimey, watered-down, pseudo M.I.A. permutations. I did not need Fergie's album, or your second, or apparently this new monstrosity by Ashlee (nothing more annoying than the way she spells her name, by the way) "I didn't get a nose job" Simpson. [Enough asides for ya?]

That being said, PLEASE watch that Ashlee Simpson video. No amount of eye makeup, straight jackets or creative costuming make her able to replicate the sort of robotic, herky-jerky movements that Gwen pulls off in "What You Waiting For?" That is because, at some level, Gwen Stefani is an artist and performer. I can even semi-tolerate Fergie's ghetto-fab, skanky take on the whole thing, because at least she commits.

Fucking Ashlee Simpson is just going through the motions. She, and the majority of all "pop starlets" need to be stopped.

Quelle suprise.

it's britney, bitch

Ah, the VMAs.

The end-of-summer, end all, be all of irrelevant awards shows. Last night's awards were, in a word, epic. Britney was back, old rock stars got punched, and everyone was drunk and in Vegas.

Which, was the best part about the show, to be honest. For a generation with an increasingly shorter attention span, MTV did the smart thing and axed an hour from the show, incorporated snippets of performances from everyone from T.I. to the Foo Fighters (featuring Cee-lo) and Fall Out Boy (featuring Rihanna) in between presenter nonsense, shameless self promotion— and maybe an award or two, and claimed they were only going to broadcast the show once [although it re-aired immediately after it ended.] MTV promoted its "remixed" version of the show, as well as web videos of the suite concerts all night— proving that the broadcast media is in as much danger of being replaced by the Internets as the print media.

The best part about the revamp of the VMAs was that the viewer felt like they were just hanging with the rockstars giving concerts for their own pleasure in Vegas suites. Kanye had a huge grin on his face while he dueted with Common in an incredibly up close and personal performance. The Foo Fighters called in everyone— the aforementioned Cee-lo, System of Down's Serj Tankian, Mastadon, and Queen of the Stone Age's Josh Homme for the most rock 'n roll of all the "intimate" performances. JT got drunk, accepted awards and yelled at MTV to play more videos—admirable.

Basically, the Vegas VMAs made us (bored twenty-something college students) feel like we were at a house party (something we can relate to) with the coolest kids in school (something we all want) Their decision to go host-free and employ a house "band," led by DJ/buzzkid/wunderkind Mark Ronson, was definitely an upgrade, as Ronson's arrangements of Top 40 hits like "Smack That" and "Wake Up Call" were 100% better than the real thing.

Who cares who won anything? At an awards show where Fall Out Boy wins "Best Group" three years in a row, does the Moon Man even attempt to claim a slice of creditability any more? I got to see Justin Timberlake shake his ass, Jaimie Foxx be a drunkass fool and Alicia Keys bring down the ceiling with a gospel choir. What else is there to ask for?

MTV: Pandering to short attention spans, youth culture and technology trends since 1985.

sticky-icky

obligatory "the white stripes' new single is awesome" post.

The aptly-named "icky thump" (there is, indeed a lot of thump, in typical white stripes style. and it is, in fact icky, in that big-heavy-chords/a-little-bit-funky way) is all over the internets, and in a matter of time, it will be all over my mtv and radio too. The album, also called icky thump, comes out on june 19, but until then, you can download the single here (an XFM radio rip) or get it in much higher quality from iTunes for a measley 99 cents.

Detroit, represent. Will Jack White ever do something that I don't love? Signs point to no.

(also, apparently I can't figure out if I want to use capital letters or not. With any luck, that will resolve itself soon.)

the british are my favourite spellers

the arctic monkeys were just on jimmy kimmel, playing a song from their new album. favourite worst nightmare (note the british "u"). it was very cool and as soon as i find a youtube clip, i'll post it. it was very different from their first album, which i kind of liked but didn't rave about.

when a band releases a decent album or two, that are pretty generally well accepted, critically favored and moderately successful, there are two routes they can take. a band can: a) release a more poppy, palatable album that will probably make them more money or b) do something just a little weirder, a little cooler, a littler more evolutionary, that will make them a better band, but less successful. Please see: Weezer, Brand New, Radiohead, TV On the Radio, Jimmy Eat World (although I guess Clarity was their third album, and Radiohead didn't really hit their stride until Ok Computer either.)

back to the point. I suppose there is another route a band can take, which is to try to duplicate their first album and not really do anything. boring, but ok, i guess.

um, so this has been sarah's indie rock corner. we'll be back next week with how gun metaphors should be unilaterally banned for anyone wearing guy liner. (pete wentz, i am looking at you.)